Diabolic Fiction

Midget Rental

“Can you see anything past phase one?”
“What’s phase one?”
“I told you about phase one.”
“Well, refresh my memory. I’m sure I must have been drunk or out-of-my-mind on mushrooms to have listened to one of your rants.”
“I think it was some of that homemade peyote Sandra had...but in any case, you seemed interested at the time.”
“I did? That doesn’t seem like me.”
“Can I tell you about it now?”
“Do you have to?”
“Well, no...but I would like to. You said you’d help me out with my theory.”
“Now I KNOW I was high if I agreed to that...there is no way I’m helping you.”
“Come on! You promised. You said that if I could get you a date with Sandra, then you would help me with phase one.”
“With Sandra? Well...did you?”
“Yes...you’re supposed to meet her tonight at the Shitkicker Bar & Grille...at eight o’clock.”
“Eight? Shit! That gives me an hour to get ready.”
“I just need two minutes of your time. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
“Fine. But hurry up.”
“Okay...all I have to do is ask you two questions.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep.”
“Ok...go ahead.”
“First question...do you think the sale and rental of midgets would in any way jeopardize the stability of this planet.”
“Is that really your first question?”
“Yes...what is your answer.”
“I would have to say...uh...no.”
“Ok...good....now....second question....what would happen if you found out that while you were high on peyote, you had sex with Sandra and then later, while you were on a date with her the next night, she revealed to you that she was actually a man?”
“I guess I would start by killing you...then I would find Sandra and beat the living crap out of her...or him...and then break your chemistry set.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Well...have fun on your date.”
“I’m sure I will.”