Diabolic Fiction

the joy of knowing

George D'Pigeon walked across the white, fluffy floor of Heaven.
Francis was leading him to the cafeteria when he spotted a book sitting atop an ornate pedastle. He pointed to it and said...
"What's that?"
"It is the Book of Answers."
"Huh?"
"It is a book that contains all the answers to all the questions of humankind."
"Really."
"Yes."
"Can I read it?"
"Knock yourself out. I'll be in the cafeteria if you need me."
"Whatever."
George stepped up to the pedastle and open the book. There were hundreds of answers on each page so he turned to the index and looked up the letters, "O. J."
George flipped to page 3,086 and scanned down the page to question #289,012.
– YES. HE DID IT.
"Ha! I knew it!"
He went back to the index and looked for the name "Darwin."
This lead him to page 1, question #1.
– HE WAS HALF-RIGHT.
"Hm, I always suspected."
George returned to the index again just as Francis walked up.
"Having fun, George?"
"This thing hasn't told me anything I don't already know."
"Really? Well, good for you."
Francis tugged on George's sleave. "C'mon, we only have an hour left to eat."
"Yeah. I'll be along. Just one more answer."
George looked for his own name in the index and found it had a few subjects underneath.
On page 10,909, question #1,780,566 he read:
– SHE CHEATED ON YOU WITH RALPH.
"That bitch."
"Something wrong, George?"
"No."
"Maybe something you didn't know? Hmmmm?"
"Shut up."
George walked away from the book and on into the cafeteria.
He ordered a sloppy-joe, fries and a TAB and forgot all about the book.